when you walk without ease on these streets where you were raised

Some of you may recall last year in Connecticut I was appalled to witness the trend of fastening full-sized Christmas wreathes to the grills of SUVs. If I, at any moment, naively claimed that nothing could be more tacky... I apologize. Because this weekend, driving through Pittsford, I saw not one but TWO behemoths that had--and you have no idea how much I wish I was kidding right now--Christmas lights woven around the little rack part on top. Fully-lit garlands of Christmas bulbs. On cars. I mean, I can somewhat appreciate the kitsch factor of garishly decorated houses, even though the enormous inflated snow-globe trend is a little hard to stomach, but this is just crossing the line. I hate Hummers in all their naked glory, so dressing them up in Christmas cheer makes me want to drive sharpened candy canes through my eyeballs.

If you want an indication of how much something as petty and ridiculous as this bugs someone like me, let me admit to you that even now, nearly 3 years later, I still feel a small knot of horror and irritation constrict in my rib cage every time I see one of those absurd ribbon magnets.

All this seasonal pet peevery has almost distracted my from my daily annoyance with bad grammar, incorrect word usage (don't even get me started on 'literally'), or when people say things like "exspecially," "probally," and "acrosst." I haven't been watching enough TV lately to rile myself up over advertising tripe, although I've no doubt that it's particularly odious at this time of year, as usual.

Anyway, there's a little bah humbug for you. I'm going to take a deep breath, put on a little Der Bingle, and have a soothing mug of mulled cider while I try to conjure the Christmas spirit. I actually do adore Christmas, I just wish people didn't have to be so awfully tacky about it.